I am well educated.

I am highly skilled.

I have a good, professional job.

I live within my means.

I waited until I was financially secure before having a baby.

AND, I can hardly afford to have a family.

Having a baby changes everything.

This is a fact that my husband and I were totally aware of before we decided to get pregnant.

We anticipated a change in lifestyle and knew having a baby meant making some sacrifices.

Before I went on maternity leave we saved up a healthy amount, $30,000, in addition to the  $2000.00 I received monthly for maternity leave (thank you Canada).

We were prepared for baby #1, mentally and financially…well, at least as much as we could be.

Now I ask myself…..

Will we be able to do this for our second child? Will we be able to save $30,000.00 now that we are spending $1000.00/month for PART TIME childcare (3 days per week).

No, probably not.

Will we be able to afford to put both of our children in daycare when we have number 2 (costing between $2400-4200/month for full time care).

No, probably not.

Will we both be able to continue working in our current careers, for our current salaries (I have been on a pay freeze for the last 3 years due to issues in our local economy) working the same kind of hours.

No, probably not.

One of us (probably my husband, because I make more money) will have to take on a very different role or even leave his job to provide full time care for our children.

Childcare is just too expensive.

Then there is the question of how to survive on one persons salary. More lifestyle changes, more sacrifice….yes.

But when did having a baby become such a financial struggle?

My husband and I make a good income. We make well above the national median household income of $70,336.  If we’re having a hard time making it work, I presume others are too.

So, how is everyone else doing it?

To be financially responsible we are advised to:

• Invest 20% of our salary
• Set up an emergency fund that will cover 3-6 months of expenses
• Have a separate savings account for unanticipated incidentals
• Diversify our incomes streams (read why it is important to have a side hustle here)
• Etc.

All good advice. And, if you are actually able to do all of these things then you are well ahead of the average person.

According to this article, nearly half of Canadians live paycheck to paycheck. According to this Bank of Canada article, “the average Canadian owes about $1.70 for every dollar of income he or she earns per year, after taxes.” 

So, if the average Canadian is making less money and carrying more debt then me and my husband, how are they managing to pay off their mortgage, pay for childcare and keep food on the table?

To be good parents we are advised to:

BUY EVERYTHING.

Just do it.

Buy everything or else you are a bad parent and your child will not be safe.

This is the message stuffed down the faces of new parents by marketers.

And, we fall for it.

As a new mom or dad you just want to be the best parent for your baby.

Mama’s, if you are super pregnant you might be a tad emotional.

You might cry through every Pampers commercial. This is normal.

You also might cry when you are folding new baby socks because they are LITERALLY THE CUTEST THINGS YOU HAVE EVER SEEN IN YOUR LIFE.

Baby socks are so small and so fricken’ cute that you might actually consider eating them!

When you are super pregnant you might get a bit excited because you are about to bring a tiny human into the world and you don’t know what the fuc* you’re supposed to do.

At this time you are, understandably, very susceptible to all the baby related marketing claims. If you want to be a good parent and keep your baby safe then you MUST SPEND ALL OF YOUR SAVINGS on ridiculous baby related things…..a baby diaper wipe warmer….I mean please.

It’s easy to get sucked in.

It’s easy to spend the same amount of money on a stroller as your first car.

It’s easy to spend thousand upon thousands of dollars before your little bundle has even arrived.

My husband and I didn’t really fall too deep into this trap, but still, even the essentials (crib, stroller, car seat) are fricken’ expensive. 

So again, I will ask, how do people do it?

How do you balance financial responsibility and the desire to provide for your family?

After considerable thought on this topic here are the options I’ve come up with:

1. Go into debt.

According to this article, Canadians have accumulated $2 trillion dollars in household debt.

Yikes.

Credit is a double edged sword.

It can be great because it allows us to make big purchases (i.e. buy a home) that you probably would never be able to afford without credit. It also provides security. If you lose your job or find yourself in a dire situation then it’s nice to have something to fall back on..not ideal, but it’s something.

Credit is also extremely convenient….perhaps too convenient.

On the flip side.

People aren’t as likely to scrimp and save and make frugal decisions in order to save up for something they want. We live in a world of instant gratification.

Want those $500.00 shoes but you don’t have $500 in the bank. Well, just put it on your credit card and worry about it later.

This can turn into a vicious cycle if you aren’t extremely diligent about paying your card off every month in full.

I won’t even get into the high interest fees that are associated with credit.

This isn’t to say that all Canadians are drowning in debt because of a shoe addiction. Many people are resorting to credit and subsequent debt to pay for their day to day bills, to keep kids in daycare and food on the table.

2. Don’t have a family.

I find it very sad that there are want-to-be parents, wonderful people thinking about having a baby but they feel like they can’t, or decide that they won’t, because they simply can’t afford it.

Many of the people that do want to have children are putting it off longer and longer trying to get into a financially secure position before they decide to have a baby.

This is all okay, it’s great to be established before you bring home baby, but some people end up waiting too long and then miss the opportunity to have the family they’ve always dreamed of.

3. Make more money.

Easier said then done. Especially when you already have a child, or two, at home. Not saying you can’t do it, just saying that kids take up a tad bit of time!

So many personal finance bloggers, myself included, advise you to “make more money” as a legitimate tip.

“Don’t like where you are financially, just make more money. Easy peasy!”

Ummm, not really. I’m still working on figuring out how to get the side hustle, passive income machine churning!

It’s possible but it doesn’t happen over night and, in my experience, it ain’t easy.

3. Expect handouts from mom and dad.

Is this even fair? You’re parents already raised you. They already spent a fortune on you.

Leave them alone.

I know there are many Grandma’s and Grandpa’s out there who would love nothing more then to help out financially, and/or with childcare but I don’t think this should be an expectation. 

My parents have generously offered to take our son two days per week. They offered, I did not ask. In fact I have checked in dozens of time to ensure this is really what they want and that they have realistic expectations of what they are getting into.

I feel very lucky.

But, there are also many grandparents who feel they have done their time (rightfully so) and don’t want to babysit OR, they physically/mentally aren’t able to.

Okay, now that I have gone all Debbie Downer I want to turn things around.

Having a family is expensive, no doubt, but there are some things you can do to help ease the financial strain.

Thinking about having a baby? Here are some tips on how to afford to have a family!

1. Don’t fall for all of the marketing schemes.

You can be a good parent without all of the stuff.

Guys, people have been rearing children since the beginning of time….they did it without diaper wipe warmers and baby knee pads.

When you are preparing for baby make a list of the essential things you need and stick to it. Try not to get distracted by all of the cute, tiny, expensive stuff.

For the first little while all your baby needs is a lot of whole lotta LOVE, a boob/bottle, a few clothes, some diapers, somewhere to sleep and a lot of blankets….for spit up and other bodily fluid! I won’t get into the gory details!

2. Buy used stuff where appropriate.

When you understand how quickly babies grow out of their clothes and graduate from their toys you will see the value in buying used.

Find a baby consignment store in your area. You will spend a fraction of the amount on clothes/toys then you would purchasing new.

At my store of choice many of the clothes still have tags on them…these are the ones I look for!

For bigger ticket items consider purchasing off of kijiji, or some other buy/sell site or local Facebook group. Things like a baby swing, baby gates, high chair or even your stroller are good things to buy used. 

I will say, there are some things that are better to purchase new for safety/hygiene purposes like your car seat.

I actually don’t even think it is legal to see used baby car seats on kijiji. I also wasn’t comfortable purchasing a used mattress…just too many itty bitty baby bodily fluids…but, to each their own. 

3. Be strategic when you have a baby shower.

Make sure you put together a registry so you get what you actually want and need. If you’ve already purchased all of the little stuff (clothes, diapers, clothes etc.) see if one of your friends can coordinate a group of your buds to all pitch on a big purchase item.

4. Claim your childcare.

Canadians are able to claim up to $8000.00 per child for children under the age of 7 and $5000.00 per child for children 7 to 16.

Will this cover the entire cost of childcare? 

Nope! But, it definitely helps.

5. Canadian child benefit. 

This is a tax free monthly payment that is given to families to help with the cost of raising children. How much you get depends on how much money you make, how many children live with you, the ages of your kids, and whether or not your child is disabled. For more info check out this site. 

Families who make under $30,000/yr will receive the maximum payments of $6400 per child under 6 years of age and $5400 per child/per year for 6-17 year old children. The amount of money per child decreases as family income rises. To figure out how much money you should be receiving you can check out this site for more details.

Make sure you have a plan for how to use this money wisely or else you will just end up spending it.

Consider setting up an automatic investment into a RESP for your kids.

Every little bit counts!

6. Build your community.

“It takes a village to raise a child.” True fact.

Get to know some other new moms and dads. Help each other out. Share baby stuff. Borrow each others maternity clothes. Babysit each others kids. If you live in nearby neighborhoods consider nanny sharing.

Not only can you help each other to keep costs down but being a new parent is hard. It’s nice to hang out with people who totally understand what you’re going through. Other people who won’t judge you for having spit up on your shirt and unbrushed hair. 

And if people, like your parents or siblings, genuinely want to help you with child care or the odd babysitting job — LET THEM. A little free time is good for the soul!

7. Move to Quebec.

Start brushing up on your French.

Haha, I joke…but not really, Quebec has the most affordable childcare rates in Canada. So, if you are looking to save the big bucks maybe it’s time for a move!

A final thought…

I want to leave on a positive note so I will tell you this….

Having a baby was the best thing my husband and I ever did. Our little boy is amazing and he brings so much joy and hilarity into our lives on a daily basis. 

He is worth every sacrifice and each and every penny.

Somethings are worth so much more than money, family being one of them.

I want to hear from you!

I’m really curious to hear your thoughts. Are you thinking about having a baby but worried about the cost? If you have kids, how do you manage? What sacrifices did you make to have a family?

 

References

Post photo by Simon Matzinger on Unsplash