Grad school sucks.

At least it did for me.

On the day of my defence I stood in front of a committee of professors whose job it was to challenge every aspect of my thesis.

A thesis I had lived and breathed every second of every day for the last two years of my life.

The finish line was in sight.

All I had left to do was prove to this intimidating audience of professors, doctors and other professionals, that my research was solid and worthy of their approval.  

I was sweaty, anxious, over-tired and over-caffeinated.

I finished my presentation with a dry mouth and a foggy brain.

Then the questions and critiques began…

I was so nervous that, for the first few questions, I actually forgot to listen and had to ask for a repeat…not a good start.

I really don’t remember much from this experience, except for one critique.

It came from a professor of computer science who, many may argue, is kind of a “big deal”.

After several rounds of reasonable questions and comments this professor suggested that I learn to think “out of the box.”

“You’re research is good, it’s solid, there’s nothing wrong here but where’s the novel idea?

I want to see some out of the box solutions to this problem. I want to see some creative thinking.

Imagine, if you weren’t limited by money or other resources, how could you solve this problem.”

Ummm, what?

Long story short, I passed me defence but I had a few minor revisions…at least they all seemed minor until I got to the out of the box comment.

“Please provide some out of the box solutions to the problem.”

I was so close to being done, I wanted to close this chapter of my life, but I was stumped.

I’m not going to get into the details of my thesis…trust me, I’m doing you a favour.

The point is I was stuck.

I was one revision away from popping a bottle of champagne and saying good riddance and fuck you to my supervisor and the whole awful grad school experience.

I racked my brain for hours but I couldn’t come up with any “out there” ideas.

After nearly a decade in post-secondary where I worked my ass off to get the right answer and follow the rules I was unable to come up with a single, “out of the box” creative idea.

And why would a professor of all people make such a request?

Wasn’t it his job to coach me into filling out the right bubble on a scantron?

Why was he challenging me?  

I felt like I’d lost my ability to come up with a novel idea.

I felt like I’d just spent the last 10 years, not to mention thousands and thousands of dollars, being taught to think IN THE BOX.

The System is Fucked

Getting an education is a privilege.

There are millions of people in this world who would do anything for the opportunity to learn.

Education is correlated with higher earnings, better health and even the promotion of gender equality.

These are great things! However, there are some downsides to the current educational system, at least the one I’m familiar with.

From the time we enter kindergarten we are conditioned to believe that there is a right and wrong way to think about things.

There is a right and wrong answer.

If we get the wrong answer, we fail.

And, we are taught from a very young age that failure is bad.

And so, for those of us who are concerned with getting A’s and following “the rules” this means trying to avoid failure.

The older I get and the more life I live the more I value the importance of failure.

This is REALLY how we are meant to learn. Try something, test the boundaries, be creative without fear.

Easier said than done.

Most of us have received at least 12 years of “in the box” conditioning thanks to primary/elementary and high school.

Go to university or college and those box walls get even taller.

This isn’t to say that you can’t climb out of your box…you can, but it takes work.

Trust me, I can see the light over the box walls, but after years of trying to escape, I’m still climbing.

How to Get Out of the Box

Fail, fail and fail again.

Make it your mission to fuck up.

This is something I’m working on.

As a self-diagnosed perfectionist I’ve missed way too many opportunities in life because I’m afraid to fail.

If I don’t see a home run in my future then I turn and run the other way.

This is a terrible attitude.

Now that I’m a mother the thing I want most for my children is for them to embrace failure.

I want them to be confident and try things.

I want them to be resilient.

I want them to pursue failure because, as my wise husband says, “If you don’t fail, you aren’t trying hard enough!”

If you are paralyzed by fear I totally feel you. I’ve been there, and I’m still there.

The good news, there are steps you can take to overcome this fear.

Start small. Choose to try something new that won’t result in a life crisis or a full on breakdown if you attempt results in failure.

For instance, try cooking a new meal. If you fail, oh well. You eat a nasty meal.

Maybe don’t attempt this when you’re having a dinner party.

Just try it on an average night.

If you fail you’ll see that the world doesn’t end. Instead, you might learn from your mistakes and choose to try again.

The idea is, start with small challenges and work your way up. You will learn that a failure here and there doesn’t mean the end of the world.

Be creative on a daily basis.

Creativity is like a muscle, use it, or lose it.

It’s only in the last few years that I’ve made a concentrated effort to regain my ability to be creative and think outside of the box.

Writing is my creative outlet, I find great joy in it. However, I still have to remind myself that I’m writing for me.

No one is grading me, I can say what I want and yet I still worry what others will think.

If you want to become more creative make a point to carve out some time each day, or a few times per week, to indulge in a creative endeavour.

Sing, dance, write, design….whatever it is that gets your creative juices flowing.

Stop being a teacher’s pet.

Challenge the “right” answer.

Have a different opinion and don’t be afraid to voice it.  Again, easier said then done….I continue to struggle with this one.

Remember when people thought the earth was flat? Well, you likely weren’t around for that but….spoiler alert, they were wrong.

The problem with school is that it’s focused on finding the RIGHT answer.

Even in university in classes that were supposed to be more creative and subjective and allow you to express your own perspective….there still seemed to be a perspective that was more right than others.

Often the right perspective was the professors perspective.

Don’t get me wrong, there are some amazing professors that encourage discussion and different points of view.

But there are also crusty old, stubborn professors who just want to see their own perspective regurgitated on a piece of paper.

When I was in school I got wayyyyy to good at just trying to please the teacher, even if I didn’t necessarily agree with their perspective.

I’m ashamed to admit this.

After expressing opposing perspectives and getting graded poorly because of it I started to play the game.

I was good at reading what the teacher wanted and I fed into it.

I also got wayyyyy to good at memorizing facts so I could ace a test instead of really understanding the core concepts.

Because this is the approach I took I didn’t retain most of the information that I memorized. It was all stored in my short term memory and quickly forgotten after I left the exam.

Diversify your life.

Just as it’s important to diversify your investment portfolio, I would argue it’s equally, if not more important, to diversify your life.

Find friends from different backgrounds, different socio economic standings, different cultures with different experiences.

Diversify your activities.

Diversify the books you read and the foods you eat.

Visit new countries, volunteer.

Try new things that will prevent you from living in a box.

Final Words

Remember this…living a life inside the box is fine. It’s safe, but it can be a bit boring.

Escaping the confines of your box comes with a bit of risk and mystery and probably some fear of the unknown.

However, it’s also a life that is sure to be chalked full of excitement and limitless potential.

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I want to hear from you. Do you feel like you are living life inside the box? What do you do to try and escape the confines and embrace your creativity?