I was walking with one of my best friends today and we were discussing some financial issues like the insane cost of childcare as well as the significant drop in our home values, according to the most recent property assessment. 

You know, nice, uplifting, gal-pal Sunday morning chatter!

As we strolled through a beautiful neighborhood looking at the large infill homes, perfectly manicured lawns and fancy cars I thought to myself, “Is everyone richer than me?”

How is it that everyone seems to be able to afford so much.

I live in a city that just experienced a pretty bad recession largely due to a drop in oil prices.

For the past few years people were losing their jobs left, right and center, downtown vacancy rates were at an all time high and the housing market slowed significantly.

Yet, it seems everywhere I look there are luxury homes being built, Tesla’s, Audi’s and Mercedes zooming down the road and a general sense that everyone in this city is pulling in some serious dough.

I know this can’t be the case.

I know that my perspective is influenced by the fact that I live in a nice neighbourhood, surrounded by people with relatively high paying jobs and many friends who come from affluent families…but still, I catch myself wondering on a regular basis, “is everyone richer than me?”

This is a thought that has plagued me since middle school.

When I was 12 we moved to a new city and I started going to a school where students were driving cars that were far nicer than the teachers and my peers were growing up in 5,000 square foot mansions.

I had a more modest upbringing.

Honestly, we weren’t wealthy but I had a wonderful upbringing.

My dad had a good job and my mom stayed home with me and my two siblings. The three of us kids were very lucky, we never wanted for anything.

BUT, what we got/had in comparison to our friends made us feel a bit inadequate (I got a 1989 Toyota Celica for my first car, some of the kids in my school got brand new BMW’s.…).

So, if you have ever felt kind of bad about yourself because it seems like everyone is richer than you, here are some answers for why you might feel that way and a list of things you can do to stop feeling like you always have less.

Why do I feel like everyone is richer than me? An explanation!

Cognitive Dissonance 

When you hear that the economy is in the toilet and then you see a very different picture all around you this can create a feeling of discomfort.

This feeling of discomfort is cognitive dissonance.

Cognitive dissonance occurs when you hold two thoughts or beliefs that contradict each other.

For example: Thought 1: My city is in a deep recession, meaning people are experiencing financial issues.

Thought 2: everyone around me continues to purchase nice cars, new homes and take expensive vacations.

Hmmm…

Another example

Thought 1: It takes years of hard work to accumulate enough money to purchase a home, buy a nice car and go on vacations

Thought 2: But, everyone my age already has a home (or 2), a nice car (or 2) and go on several vacations every year.

In order to try and reconcile this cognitive dissonance we can seek new information in order to generate new ways to explain the contradictory beliefs.

Read on to see the different strategies that I use to ease my own cognitive dissonance. 

Cognitive bias

As humans we have a tendency to look for information that confirms our existing beliefs or hypothesis (a.k.a “confirmation bias”).

So, when I hold the belief that everyone is richer than me, I then reinforce this belief by seeking information that confirms my bias.

You start to see all of the nice cars on the road, all of the big houses in nearby neighborhoods and focus on all of the exotic vacation photos posted on social media.

You aren’t focused on the old junky cars and the crappy neighborhood houses. And, no one posts pictures of themselves working overtime on social media. We just see the best of the best.

Isn’t that what social media is for? Trying to make your followers/friends jealous?

Remember, looks can be deceiving

We live in the credit card era. You can have whatever you want, whenever you want it.

You don’t have to save up the money to purchase a car, boat, or nice clothes. You can just CHARGE IT and worry about paying it back later…not a great strategy!

Before the age of the credit card the social strata was more obvious.

The people who had nice things could legitimately afford them. At this time you had to have money in hand to make a purchase.

This old school method is more in line with my money philosophy.

The only debt my husband and I have is our mortgage.

When it comes to anything else, cars, furniture, bikes, whatever, we save and pay in full.

It’s up to you to decide on your own money philosophy. What do you value? What can you afford?

But remember, just because your friends go on multiple vacations a year, have two brand new cars and a house full of new stuff, this doesn’t necessarily mean they are raking in the dough. Maybe they are, but maybe they are drowning in credit card debt.

So many people continue to purchase things they can’t afford just to impress other people.

My advice, for what it’s worth…don’t be one of these people.

If you feel like you have to buy expensive things to impress your friends, then maybe you should consider getting new friends…one’s with a bit more substance.

Everyone has a different circumstance

If you are feeling down on yourself because all of your friends seem to be making more financial progress then you, try and remember….everyone has a different circumstance.

We don’t all begin at the same financial starting line.

Some people graduate and find very well paying jobs, other people struggle to find work.

Some people inherit tons of money from their parents or grandparents, others don’t.

And some people might have purchased and sold all of their bitcoin at exactly the right time while others weren’t so lucky 😉

Everyone spends their money differently

We all value different things.

I value travel and experiences more than I value a huge house full of things.

Maybe you value having a huge house so you can have lot’s of room for your extended family and friends to come and visit.

Someone else might value looking super hot all of the time so they spend their money on botox and nice clothes.

The point is, we all value different things. So, when it seems like everyone is richer than you maybe it’s just about a difference in priorities.

So, what can you do when you are feeling down about your social status among your friends and acquaintances?

Here are some tips to help you feel better when you start to question, “is everyone richer than me?” 

Get some perspective

I was in Mexico a number of years ago with my extended family and we got together to charter a sailboat for the afternoon (I know, rough life…this was a special treat, not my normal).

It was a beautiful experience and I felt so privileged to be able to have such an experience.

As we were waiting to set sail I sat in the marina looking around and thinking, “I can’t believe HOW MUCH money people have.”

The marina was huge and packed with luxury boats and yachts.

I said to my sister, “I can’t believe HOW MANY people have so much money.”

She then proceeded to give me a good dose of perspective.

She said, “Okay, yes, there are a lot of people in this world that have a lot more money than you or I but, there are sooooooo many more people in this world who have sooooooooo much less than we do. 

According to Forbes there are 2,208 billionaires from 72 countries and territories.

A report by Oxfam found that “eight men now own the same amount of wealth as the poorest half of the world.”

Practice gratitude

Flowing from the previous point, I think another important thing to do on a daily basis is practice gratitude.

Be thankful for all of the people, experience and things that YOU DO HAVE.

If you were born in a country like Canada, where you have freedom, a year of maternity leave and FREE HEALTHCARE then you have some things to feel grateful for.

No, the Canadian system isn’t perfect but it’s pretty damn good when you compare it on the grand scale.

Similarly, if you were born into a family where you felt loved and respected, then you are lucky. If you have a couple of great friends….you are lucky!

The mind is a very powerful tool. If you focus on all of the the things you don’t have, if you are all about the cup being half empty, then you will always be wanting more.

However, if you train yourself to be positive, and feel grateful and be a “cup is half-full” kind of person, then you are much more likely to feel wealthy and happy.

Try not to compare yourself to others

Easier said then done. We all do it, it’s totally normal. There is even a term to describe it “Social Comparison.” Basically, we compare ourself to others in an effort to determine our own self worth.

I won’t go into detail on this point because I’ve already written a whole post about this….you can read it here.  

Surround yourself with people from different socioeconomic backgrounds

 I think this is especially important when you are growing up.

As the saying goes, “diversity is the spice of life.”

Just as it is important to diversify your portfolio and your income streams it is also a good idea to diversify your friends.

If everyone you know comes from super wealthy families and inherited millions then it’s likely you will feel like the poor friend (at least until you make your own millions, right!)

If you have friends that come from all different walks of life this will help you to put things in perspective. You might not be a millionaire but it’s important to remember that you are far better off then a lot of other people.

Become financially literate

One of the best things I ever did for myself was invest time in becoming financially literate.

Unfortunately, unless your parents gave you a crash course in all things money or you majored in finance in university, you aren’t going to be given a solid financial education.

Financial literacy is empowering.

By learning how to save and invest, and the importance of doing these things, you can make better financial decisions.

Financial literacy also helps to put things in perspective.

Now when I catch myself thinking, “is everyone richer than me,” I have the knowledge to run through a number of reasons as to why it might seem that way but not actually be true.

Becoming financially literate also allows you to feel in control of your finances. When you feel in control it’s much easier to set goals and gain the confidence to feel like you can achieve them.

If you want to learn more about financial literacy, what it is, why it is important and where you can start then check out this article.

Be proud of your hard work and accomplishments

My parents helped me with my first degree but after that I paid for 6 years of post secondary on my own. My parents did not help me and my husband with our down-payment on our first house and you know what…..this makes my education and my home so much sweeter.

I value the work and sacrifice that went into obtaining these things. I am proud of myself and my husband for reaching these goals.

I’ll be honest, if someone offered me a free car or house I wouldn’t say no but, there is something really special about setting a goal and then working you ass off for it.

It just means so much more when you finally obtain it!

What do you think? Do you have any other strategies to help put your financial standing into perspective? What do you do to make yourself feel better when you start to wonder, “is everyone richer than me?” 

Reference

Cover Photo by Mohamed Masaau on Unsplash

Baby Pout Photo by Alexander Dummer on Unsplash